i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
