you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
