remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
