Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
