I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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