Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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