at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
