Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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