dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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