god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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