I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
