woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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