I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
