so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
