You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
