I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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