I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
