This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Randomize
