2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize