we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize