rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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