Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
