I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
birth control should be required to get into college
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
