thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
