White coat. Heels.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
