Plan B is the new Plan A
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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