i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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