The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
