Umm I'm too high to move.
...so i touched it.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
