Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
