HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
