I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he shaved USA in his pubs
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize