The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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