I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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