so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
