He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
