i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
