My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize