I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
