Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
