I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
