i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize