What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
