note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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