Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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