Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She's the barista slut.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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