This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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