The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
