I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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