Well apparently he's into motor boating.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
