I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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