They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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