Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
