so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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