I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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