Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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