so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
