I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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