we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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