i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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