How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
