There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I need to align my fucking chakras
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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