Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
