I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
