i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
