Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
