i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
