it's like iHOP with fire
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
