GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
