I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
