He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
