I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
